Manchester United’s demise continues, could Neymar go to Newcastle (SPOILER: No) and a headline from Sun that involuntarily made us laugh…
In the pub
The race to make the most bizarre newspaper claim about Crisis Club Manchester United continues at a fast pace, with the already unimaginable ‘bottom-half team’ that now indeed looks like intoxicating days for a club that Andrew Dillon of The Sun has confirmed are now “a pub team”.
As with all current Manchester United content, it combines perfectly fair and correct concerns about the club’s direction of travel with astonishing nonsense.
The sight of Old Trafford’s new transfer guru sitting in a boozer organizing a strategy meeting with the Red Army confirms what many have already suspected.
Manchester United are now a pub team.’
Richard Arnold’s pub trip may have been unwise and he probably should have been more alert to the possibility of being filmed, but it was also well-intentioned and a shift from the previous regime’s policy of avoiding real fans at all costs. It was, of course, definitely not a ‘strategy meeting’.
“If Arnold’s contacts in the transfer market were even a little bit as good as his hoolie-spotting friends, it wouldn’t seem so bad.”
I really have no idea what this part means. All football fans are hooligans?
‘When Christian Eriksen30, a man who went into cardiac arrest on a pitch, is torn between signings for a club with a 75,000-seat stadium or tiny Brentford, something is wrong.”
Let’s pretend Tottenham doesn’t exist or that Eriksen’s feelings for ‘little Brentford’ could be somewhat affected by the chance they took on him in January.
Up-and-coming manager Erik ten Hag has so far shown only limited imagination of how he wants to rebuild a squad that urgently needs to be renovated.
As the hipster’s choice, we expected a long list of cultured playmakers, ballers and little-known stars in the making, known only to the Dutchman and his intricate network of contacts.’
We just assume that ‘hipster’s choice’ here means a foreign coach who has not previously managed a Premier League team.
Instead United seem to be confining themselves to chasing former Ajax players who, like Eriksen, are reluctant to play for a club that revels in faded glory that haven’t won the league since 2013 and have no end in sight. is. †
Frenkie de Jong, Antony, Lisandro Martinez, Jurrien Timber. All still playing for or former players of the old Ten Hag club.’
Antony unwilling to play for Manchester United’s wallow is presumably news to Dillon’s colleague Dave Fraser, who wrote just two days earlier that ‘Antony is desperate to leave Ajax and be reunited with Erik ten Hag at Manchester United’.
There are so many legitimate angles to what has happened at United in recent years and even this summer so far – including Ten Hag’s apparent reliance on familiar faces. Is there any chance we can stick to that, instead of exaggerating everything to an absurd degree or pretending meeting fans over a beer shows ‘how low United have sunk’?
Sorry, stupid question. Don’t know what we thought.
The news of Neymar’s potential availability from PSG this summer always prompted a calm and composed response from the fourth estate. Absolutely no nonsense to generate clicks based on this information. First we have to go to the Daily Star.
“Neymar’s stance on sensational Newcastle transfer as the race heats up for PSG star,” the headline shouted.
†After a massive rebound in form at the end of the 2021/22 season, Eddie Howe’s Tyneside revolution is in full swing and Newcastle are now looking to shock one of the best football talents,” added the stand-first as excitement mounts .
‘Neymar’ is reportedly dead by accession Newcastle United in the summer transfer window’, the intro chuckles, talking about those Toon Army chips.
‘Tottenham could sign his own Zlatan Ibrahimovic for a bargain transfer fee’ is a headline that has caught the attention of football.london, but it seems a bit far-fetched as describing a player who scored six goals in 15 Bundesliga games last season. Sasa Kalajdzic is the Next Zlatan in question here, and it turns out that this is some kind of self-dubbing, the worst of all ways to be saddled with a dubbing.
†I’ve heard a comparison with [Zlatan] Ibrahimovic, Peter Crouch, everything from ‘tall and lanky’ to ‘tall’ and an ‘Ibrahimovic Machine’! I have heard many things.” You sure have.
Strange choice to choose Zlatan over Crouchy for the head, guys.
We kind of hate it, but we have to admit we involuntarily chuckled at The Sun, with a bit of tish and fipsis about Pep Guardiola looking for 51 while frolicking on the beach in Barbados with ‘DIET PEP SEA’ . Doesn’t even really work, but it’s great isn’t it? For all their many, many flaws, they remain the undisputed masters of the headlines that we can enjoy in spite of ourselves.